Featured

Welcome to my poetry archives. Beware, ye who enter here.

Hello, it’s Isabel here from the madforskating blog. After much consideration, I have finally decided to start a blog for my writings. I write mostly poems inspired by the things I love – figure skating, old literature, and life itself. Please share, like, and subscribe!

Volcano Eyes

In the mighty mountains of the north
dwelled the golden phoenix
Goddess of fire, queen of ash,
her beauty rivaled Venus

Most powerful, most worthy,
but exiled and betrayed
Yet it is the hunter, not the gazelle
who should truly be afraid

For two cold years she lay in wait,
trapped ‘neath the avalanche of an angry god
Her spark grew dim, but she kept faith,
one step at a time, forgetting the odds
She pushed back the demons and reached for the light
until deep inside, her flame came to life

She opened her volcano eyes
and rose from her long slumber
She woke the ocean, shook the trees,
summoned lighting and called for thunder

The forests quaked, the fauna bowed
as power returned to her bones
And no fool dared to block her path
as she reclaimed her rightful throne

——
This poem goes out to the fabulous Gabby Daleman! She’s such a fighter and I hope to see her flying again soon.

Savior

Running, stumbling
Crashing, tumbling
Darkness, I’m coming
Tried so hard to swim in the gaping abyss
but no islands lay within my sight
so I begged the Lord to let me slip
beneath the curtains of eternal night

My savior sat tall upon an ebony steed
‘Twas no prince, but a raven-haired queen
who awakened me from fifteen years’ slumber
and cut down my demons with her silver sword
She shattered my coffin and my soul was reborn
so I might know the power of her sacred words

Her eyes are like magnets
Her soul is a mirror
I lose myself in the rhythm of her voice
till I drift away to where thoughts are clear

My twilight angel, valiant and bold,
cloaked in black and wreathed in gold
She breathed life into these crushed lungs
and gave fresh blood to my veins
In her spirit I found a beauty
far deeper than any pain

My fair lady knight, how I adore you
A thousand lifetimes couldn’t pay my debt
Search my empty hands, but I’ve nothing for you
You paved the ground ‘neath my every step
Although I never wished to see the day
you’d leave my side and sail away,
you were destined to dance in the golden sun
and revel in the world you brought back to me
But your memory lives on in every breath I take
Fly on, my savior, and set both our hearts free

——
This poem is dedicated to Ksenia Stolbova, one of the most inspirational people I have ever known. Her resilience and courage against all odds inspired me to keep fighting when my mental health problems were at their worst. I firmly believe she is the reason why I am still alive today, and I am grateful to her every day.
(For those of you who are interested, I wrote the full story on my other blog here):
https://madforskating.wordpress.com/2020/02/13/how-ksenia-stolbova-saved-my-life/

Empress

Twelve years in Siberia

The winter kills a man

but a man I am not

Trains slice through the storm

To a future full of sun

and a bestselling plot

Higher, higher, don’t look down

A girl has no name

but she can bring home the crown

Men of steel and men of stone

have no power like a woman’s bones

They called me a princess

with ebony hair and skin like snow

a shooting star in the cold night sky

But flowers fade too fast

like pageant girls from time ago

for all things of beauty must one day die

Slipping under,

but I never met death

for I’m a wonder –

I fought till I drew breath

Avalanche, second chance

Dug my way out and took a stand

Broken heart, fresh start

No longer will I play their part

In the rubble of my palace,

clinging to the edge

I smiled at the devil

and plotted my revenge

I walked through the twisted gates

past sentries and their shifty eyes

and set fire to their parchment plans

In blood red ink I rewrote my fate

burned away the council’s lies

and forward I led a cavalry of fans

I crowned myself Empress

Now I drink from the golden cup

If you seek my presence,

you might try looking up

Spinning

Trigger warning: This poem is inspired by someone’s struggle with an eating disorder and other mental health concerns. It’s not explicitly stated but it’s an underlying theme.

The world was spinning

A thousand buildings blurring past

A thousand people through the glass

A strange new world of too much light

that only brightened in the night

Of too much noise for fragile ears

The streets and rivers had voices here

The world was spinning

A glamorous palace to learn my craft

A glamorous woman to draw my path

If I obeyed, I would go far

so I gave too much and worked too hard

Too much weight on fragile shoulders

so I wore myself thin, over and over

The world was spinning

A single diamond on display

The prima of a grand ballet

All eyes on a ghost of myself

who shines in glory, gold, and wealth

Nothing but their sweet, silent doll

who doesn’t cry when the curtain falls

The world was spinning

An endless fall from heaven’s light

An endless pain that split the night

The world made one terrible gasp

The flame of Sochi drowned into ash

My scream was lost amidst the din

as the castle of sand at last caved in

The world was spinning

I cut the rope that anchored me

and crashed through pure insanity

Lost in space and out of time

My body shattered, deaf and blind

They called for me, but I turned cold

and built my prison from molten gold

The world was spinning

Alone inside my raging head

Still alive, but walking dead

The scars, the bruises still remained

Empty belly and lonely pain

Starving, weeping, I fell to my knees

With everything broken, I was set free

The world is spinning

A thousand buildings blurring past

A thousand people share one dance

A brave new world of brilliant light

that only brightens in the night

Of festive music in my ears

One step at a time, I found my place here

——

This poem is dedicated to Yulia Lipnitskaya, one of the first figure skaters I ever loved. Her career was cut far too short, but she was an amazing performer and I miss her a lot.

Weep for the Widow

She runs like a wild deer through the midnight wood

She decimates a dozen men with one laser look

She fights like a lioness, she hunts like a beast

She’s deadly and she knows it, woman of the east

A master assassin and she does it in style

But nobody knows why she never smiles

Black nights screaming, running in the dark

Widowed, with no country and no home

Black grief streaming, blasted broken heart

Widowed, with no family, she’s alone

Shadows on every wall, whispers behind her back

Snipers in the windows, spies watching through the cracks

And in the darkness flows a world of red,

a running tally of the innocent dead,

singing in her ears, haunting her head

Hammer to the brain, sickle in the heart

She bleeds scarlet but won’t fall apart

When the regime crumbles, she keeps reaching higher

When the bombs explode, she flies through the fire

When the smoke clears, she’s the sole survivor

Child of darkness, woman of steel

on a cliff of battered stone

Unafraid of the black abyss

when they let her fall alone

She’s seen darker places, she’s seen the worst

She’s walked nine circles of hell and back

She’s been broken, bruised, it hurts

but she’s grown fond of wearing black

Fly on, Natasha, your soul is clean

Dive below, then climb above

Come home, Natasha, now you can rest

The black raven is now a dove

This is the story of a hero,

a story told far too little

Remember her name—

our fierce Black Widow

The Devil’s Lover

From the moment I first breathed, I learned

to respect what was not mine

Then why, oh heaven, do I still yearn

for one look from those fierce eyes?

If there was a goddess of desire

she would have those lips of red

But she has fallen into hellfire

for she lies in the devil’s bed

You demon, you beast

you wild animal of the night

stalking your sweet young prey

You’ve found a fresh feast

to scar with your vampire bite

for your unholy buffet

Your poisoned mouth tastes her spiced wine lips

your cursed eyes watch her swaying hips

your filthy hands touch her satin skin

your wretched mind fills with hungry sin

her midnight lace on the floor of your cell

her perfect body on your dirty sheets

as you capture her soul while she sleeps

You invade her body like a savage

plundering the new land for gold

You murder her soul and leave the damage

vanishing when the fire runs cold

Take her to your coffin bed

stained with the blood of maidens dead

a casualty of your thirst for flesh

A precious jewel you’ll cast aside

when you meet your next child bride

and bring her to your Hades of ash

My heart grows vines ’round an iron gate

deeper than envy, darker than hate

Black leaves uncurling, barbed thorns unfurling

They say green is the shade of jealousy

of money, of land

of the simple desires of every man

But my heart feels only ebony black

of her eyes, her hair

of the silent magnet that leaves us paired

If ten thousand men stood in the way

then ten thousand men I would slay

for what are men compared to the violence of this raging love?

Oh devil, I steal your Helen of Troy

steal your passion, steal your joy

for you deserve nothing but the fury of all the gods above

You will never have her heart,

because it is not love you crave

You will never hold all the cards,

for I keep the queen of spades

You can take the silver shell,

but the pearl still lies inside,

and you have no prize to sell,

for in heart, she’s already mine

——-

This poem was inspired by the fabulous movie Moulin Rouge. It’s written from Christian’s perspective as he watches the evil, mad Duke try to take the beautiful showgirl Satine as his own throughout the movie. It was also inspired by my celebrity crush.

The Mad Titan

When I was young, I used to dream

of hungry monsters and evil queens

who made the children thrash and scream

When I was young, I used to read

tales of tyrants filled with greed

who loved to watch their victims bleed

 

But I never thought I’d see the day

that Lord Vader took our rights away,

that children fought in a hunger game

that Thanos turned the world to gray

 

I remember the morning all too well:

a few days shy of fourteen years old,

shaking in the closet, my blood gone cold

I remember whispering, “what the hell?”

too scared to even tweet my thoughts,

for who knows what’s safe and what’s not?

 

I swore they couldn’t be serious

It was too bizarre to believe

But I’ve been waiting to awaken

since November 8, 2016

 

Mama, I can’t sleep tonight

I had another nightmare

Please tell me it’s all in my head

Oh Mama, I’m so scared

 

Every dictator claims a noble cause

You promised to make this country great

But I guess your definition of greatness

just means white, male, and straight

 

You take whatever your madness touches – power, women, money

You scream bitterly into the void

about turban-clad enemies

But to truly fight the war on terror,

you must shoot the man in your mirror,

for you are the one who inspires such fear

in the women you’ve branded with your dirty hands,

in the children left orphaned in this foreign land,

in the soldiers thrown away because they were trans

 

This is Samira

She cries into her black veil, like a widow,

widowed from her family,

widowed from her freedom,

widowed from her home

 

This is Ernesto

He doesn’t understand why mama won’t come,

why his crib has steel bars,

why it’s so cold here,

or why he’s all alone

 

This is Joanna

She still trembles from your wicked, starving touch

that stole away her dignity,

that stole away her confidence,

that stole away her youth

 

This is Benjamin

He used to be called Jacqueline, but now he’s changed

He wants to meet a girl,

wants to serve his flag,

wants to live the truth

 

There is no Iron Man to snap his fingers

and no Jedi to call upon the force

But I am a girl and I have a choice

to plant my feet and use my voice,

for one spark can light the torch

and give hope to those who cannot speak

I’ll shoot my arrow straight and true,

shout for the speechless and stand for the weak

 

You can buy your votes but not my respect

Your foul words will never reach me

Tied to the mast with pitch in my ears,

I will stand strong with what I believe in

 

You’ve painted this country state by state

with the red in your ledger

and the lies from your hideous mouth

You’ve poisoned our borders with filth and hate,

but four years is not forever,

and every fire you started will be doused

 

Even the longest night will end at dawn

Every sadist must meet the dark

Until you and your death-eaters are slain and gone,

I must speak what’s in my heart

—-

I hesitated to post this poem because it’s very political, but I can’t stay quiet about the state of U.S. politics anymore. I was 13, almost 14, on that fateful Election Day when Trump became president, and I was terrified. In that dark time, I found strength in Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games trilogy. I was so inspired by the thought of a brave young woman who led a fight against an oppressive government, so I started to write poems about it. It really helped me express the anger I felt. As a LGBTQ+ woman of color, I feel like it’s my responsibility to stand up against tyranny that affects people like me. The American dream should be available to everyone. Period.

 

Queen of Atlantis

I used to stand in the golden sun

Crowned in dawn, bathed in glory

But my empire has come undone

A legend lost, a forgotten story

 

I held the stratosphere, the holy grail

with my fair and gentle king

We planned for victory, but plans do fail

and I heard the rebels sing

 

Uninvited to my own coronation

as traitors received standing ovations

A festival, a massacre, a red wedding filled with twisted elation

How did the whole world shatter

in a single, terrible breath?

They murdered my sweet lover —

curse you, angel of death

 

I lay him on the emerald hill;

he rests on higher ground

‘Twas my heart, not his they killed

My white dress now a shroud

 

The night crashed in, and I stood alone

A hunted widow on a crumbling throne

An island lost in the raging black seas

What once was a city is now but charred bones

 

Betrayed and beaten

They plundered my kingdom

and had me banished

Burning and bleeding,

I slipped under the water

and found Atlantis

 

Deep, deep, where the mighty sun has no power

Where we seek refuge in our darkest hour

He flew above, and I jumped below

Nothing left to hold, so I let go

 

I surrendered my body

to the all-consuming ocean

and drifted away in the current,

but I did not drown;

I lay myself down

 

I stopped looking for all the answers

for the world is but a question,

a dark ballet with drunken dancers,

and what use is reason in this wretched chaos

while our souls succumb to this cancer?

Now I sleep in peace;

I found my release

 

I built myself an iron castle

from the artillery they aimed at my head

From there, I plot my sweet revenge

My heart is broken, but my mind is undead

Don’t turn your back, I stab from behind

I follow no rules, all justice is mine

 

Call me sinner, call me fool

I’ve witnessed the kind, I’ve dealt with the cruel

Let water, not voices, fill my ears

Forget all thought until I can’t feel fear

Atlantis, bow down; your new queen is here

—-

This poem is inspired by the fierce women from Game of Thrones. It’s not intended to tell the story of any particular character, but I took inspiration from Daenerys, Sansa, and Arya, as well as my own personal heroes in real life.

The stunning portrait of the mermaid comes from this Pinterest post. I had to crop it for my header, but here is the full portrait.

Atonement

 

Your arms were open

Your smile was kind

Your laugh was hearty

But I was blind

 

You filled our hearts with happiness

You had sweet but gentle eyes

You spoke words of goodness

But they were only lies

 

It’s like it must be someone else,

because I knew you too well

How did someone they called an angel

wander to the gates of hell?

 

Broken mirrors, glass cuts deep

Shattered reflections as you sleep

Troubled water for a troubled man

Tears of grief, tears of rage

I curse your name and then I pray

I should hate you, I should turn my back

I should forgive you, but I just can’t

 

I’ll never hear your voice like I did before I knew

that there was a sinister side to you

I can’t grieve without shame

with the crimes on your name

 

I lay in the dark, silently crying

for the ghost of a loyal friend

Broken inside, I’m still denying

but I know it’s too torn to mend

 

Maybe this was the only way

but I still wish

that it didn’t have to end

quite like this

 

Bleeding heart, burning veins,

a bitter earth so void of hope

I break for you, I break for them

a stolen illusion at the end of a rope

I wish I could just go back to sleep

But it’s my duty to stay woke

 

So I lay to rest all but my mind

and pray for resolution I won’t find

Here lies the man I used to know

but that good man died years ago

 

Answer to God, atone for your sins

Your apology came a lifetime too late

The Lord holds the map of the places you’ve been

Only He can decide your fate

—-

I originally wrote this poem to help me deal with the news that someone I had admired and respected had done something completely unforgivable, then took his own life. Part of me grieved for the man I remembered, and the other part of me hated the man he truly was. In the end, I had to accept that the man I had known was a lie. Writing this poem really helped me understand my complicated feelings about it.

Czarina

Czarina, czarina

Divine queen of my heart

You reign over the kingdom in my mind

and bless this land with your lips of wine

I take a knee at your throne

and swear fealty to your name,

for I am shackled in your power

and I can never run away

 

Czarina, czarina

Goddess of love and war

You invade my body with foreign life

and cut my soul with your perfect knife

I have no strength to resist

My armies abandon their posts

I surrender at your mercy

but it is I who beg the most

 

Czarina, czarina

Lover of gods and men

You were born from tears Heaven shed

but you take a swine to your holy bed

I am doomed to watch in vain

for I had not the slightest chance

but I weep as though I lost you

as you stumble in your trance

 

Czarina, czarina

Black temptress of demons

How I curse your grace and artless charms

that lead you into a monster’s arms

Are you his master or his slave?

Who is the darkness and who is the light?

Will your fiery heart explode

when he leaves you in the night?

 

Czarina, czarina

Beauty bound to thy beast

You stand in white like a ghost of yourself,

stripped of your soul, locked in towers of wealth

I shall never know your sweet kiss

My pleas are all in vain

My queen, the choice is yours alone

but my feelings eternally remain

Create your website at WordPress.com
Get started