Gates of Hell

Trigger warning: body image

 

Creeping over the edge

Toes cross the line 

At nightfall, the trolls wake

and set fire to my mind

 

I wear the cloaks of a reaper

to conceal all my sins

I spend my nights fighting,

but the devil always wins

 

When the winter ends, the ghosts remain

to haunt my tender wasteland

and bind my trembling thighs

I run against gravity, but I fall down in shame

when I see how I’ve cheated

to claim this fleeting prize

 

A colony of skeletons dwell in my armoire,

withered to bones and empty grins

How sweet it must be to live without flesh –

blind, numb, and thin

 

Can’t keep the gates closed,

so the demons burst out,

flying from iron cages

with their victorious shouts

 

Try to quell their rebellion

but their ranks only swell

The dragon awakens

and unleashes its hell

 

How I long to slay this dreadful beast

and pierce the soft belly underneath

These hips cannot bear the burden

of their wicked overlord

I can hear their conversations

before they’ve said a word

 

The water spills over

The spring won’t run dry

Fill me with stones, darling

Till my heart slowly dies 

 

—-

This poem is so personal to me. Over the past several years, I’ve experienced bouts of intense anxiety surrounding my weight, the food I eat, and my changing body. I haven’t been diagnosed with anorexia because my symptoms come and go, but sometimes I still struggle with accepting myself, especially when my weight naturally fluctuates. Talking about it on social media has really helped me move forward and fight this negative mentality, and I will keep working every day to get stronger!

Published by madforskating

Confessions of a crazy skating fangirl. Your local Pair Skating Yoda. Sometimes I write about other stuff. • 17 • Asian-American • bi • she/her

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