Spinning

Trigger warning: This poem is inspired by someone’s struggle with an eating disorder and other mental health concerns. It’s not explicitly stated but it’s an underlying theme.

The world was spinning

A thousand buildings blurring past

A thousand people through the glass

A strange new world of too much light

that only brightened in the night

Of too much noise for fragile ears

The streets and rivers had voices here

The world was spinning

A glamorous palace to learn my craft

A glamorous woman to draw my path

If I obeyed, I would go far

so I gave too much and worked too hard

Too much weight on fragile shoulders

so I wore myself thin, over and over

The world was spinning

A single diamond on display

The prima of a grand ballet

All eyes on a ghost of myself

who shines in glory, gold, and wealth

Nothing but their sweet, silent doll

who doesn’t cry when the curtain falls

The world was spinning

An endless fall from heaven’s light

An endless pain that split the night

The world made one terrible gasp

The flame of Sochi drowned into ash

My scream was lost amidst the din

as the castle of sand at last caved in

The world was spinning

I cut the rope that anchored me

and crashed through pure insanity

Lost in space and out of time

My body shattered, deaf and blind

They called for me, but I turned cold

and built my prison from molten gold

The world was spinning

Alone inside my raging head

Still alive, but walking dead

The scars, the bruises still remained

Empty belly and lonely pain

Starving, weeping, I fell to my knees

With everything broken, I was set free

The world is spinning

A thousand buildings blurring past

A thousand people share one dance

A brave new world of brilliant light

that only brightens in the night

Of festive music in my ears

One step at a time, I found my place here

——

This poem is dedicated to Yulia Lipnitskaya, one of the first figure skaters I ever loved. Her career was cut far too short, but she was an amazing performer and I miss her a lot.

Published by madforskating

Confessions of a crazy skating fangirl. Your local Pair Skating Yoda. Sometimes I write about other stuff. • 17 • Asian-American • bi • she/her

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